Monday, October 2, 2017

MacGyver Fan Fiction -- Lost Love: Chapter 3


Based on the episode Lost Love.

Other Chapters: 
1, 2

The years that followed were good for my career. I traveled the world performing missions for the KGB, and my excellent work was recognized. But I wasn't happy. In fact, I developed a deep sense of self-loathing over what I had done to MacGyver and what I had given up by letting him go. At first, I thought of him every day and imagined the life we could have had together. As time went on, I tried my best to forget that he ever existed, but that effort only resulted in self-pity and depression.

Our paths didn't cross again until two years later when China was participating in a cultural exposition in Seattle. They brought along a priceless artifact, the Ming Dragon, and put a Phoenix Foundation team led by MacGyver in charge of its security. I got my orders from General Racoubian, a wily KGB old-timer -- he and I were to head to Seattle along with Nicolaj Kosov, a major who had previously been thwarted by MacGyver in Hungary, and Tanya Lyaschenka, a brutish and sadistic blonde. Our goal was to compel MacGyver to steal the dragon -- then we'd recover it and return it to China in hopes of irreparably damaging US-Sino relations while strengthening our ties with the Chinese.

The old me would have been over the moon to see him, but I was so depressed by that point that I just wanted the mission to be over with as soon as possible. We met on a boat, and I deceived him by telling him that he had seen me get shot two years ago. I also lied when I told him that I had married Kosov, a fellow prisoner in the gulag, and that we wanted to defect.

I escaped during MacGyver's friend Jack's magic show, but apparently Tanya didn't get the memo from Racoubian as to what was going on, because she went crazy and started firing real bullets at me. As I escaped with MacGyver, who did his best to elude my team, I briefly thought, "What if we get away, what will I do?" But the net closed in on us, and my team proceeded with the plan, which was to hold me as a faux-hostage in exchange for MacGyver stealing the Ming Dragon.

MacGyver did end up stealing the dragon and defeating his own security system to do it -- I never doubted him for a second. After he and Jack traded the dragon for me in an old warehouse, we escaped by car. Incredibly, I found myself in the exact same situation that I had been in two years ago -- as a KGB agent, cover still in tact, with a chance to run away with MacGyver for good.

Whereas earlier I betrayed MacGyver out of fear, this time I did it out of sheer contempt for myself. It may be hard for you to understand, because who among us can be so fortunate as to be gifted such a golden opportunity to rectify a past mistake, but I was so far gone that I truly didn't want myself to be happy. All I could think about was getting rid of MacGyver so that he'd be out of my life forever. When we arrived at the KGB compound and he saw that I betrayed him, his look of disgust hurt me in my core while also beautifully fulfilling my masochistic vision for myself.

I couldn't resist him when he took one of my hairpins to use as a lock pick, even though I knew this would be the end of me, one way or another. After he and Jack started to escape in Racoubian's chopper, Kosov and Racoubian were about to open fire on them when instinct took over and I knocked both of them to the ground. I even gave Kosov a good whack with Racoubian's cane, although not quite good enough as I would learn less than a minute later.

In that brief instant, the old me was back. I yelled to MacGyver to wait for me, and he brought the chopper down. As I ran toward him, he looked deeply into my eyes and time slowed down. I had finally overcome my fear and self-loathing, and now I was going to be where I belonged -- with him.

I wish I could say that my death was faked again and that I was alive and living happily with him, but that is not the case. Kosov put a bullet in my back, and I died in MacGyver's arms. "MacGyver, I do love you."

THE END

Next up:
Walking Dead

MacGyver Fan Fiction -- Lost Love: Chapter 2


Based on the episode Lost Love.

Other Chapters: 1, 3

I was called into my superior's office and given a dossier on my next assignment: a DXS agent named MacGyver. The DXS was involved with a dispute between the Soviet Union and a group of Estonian rebels, and naturally the KGB wasn't looking too kindly at the Americans sticking their noses into our business. Our intelligence indicated that MacGyver would be making contact with the rebels near the Baltic coast in October, and that gave me time to insert myself with them that summer, which wasn't difficult because I'm fluent in Estonian.

Back to MacGyver. His file was quite impressive. He had taken on assignments from all over the world, and he always managed to get the job done. Most amazingly, he completed his missions without the use of weaponry -- perhaps that was why he was consistently underestimated by his adversaries. His file photo showed him to be quite handsome in an American Boy Scout kind of way, but I had no reason to doubt my ability to stay detached.

We first met on a sunny, crisp day at the rebel camp, which was in a forest near the Poruni River. I was immediately struck by his gentle and polite manner -- uncommon traits in a male spy. And what started out as a congenial rapport quickly escalated into a torrid affair.

We had plenty of down time in the camp, and we often took long walks in the woods where we learned about each other. He was from Minnesota, an American state known for its cold climate and hearty people. It didn't take long for him to start confiding in me his most heartfelt wishes and fears, like how he longed to meet the right woman and settle down but that he couldn't bear the thought of getting close to someone and then losing them like he lost his parents.

Somehow this man with an overwhelming fear of commitment worked up the nerve to propose to me after one month. We were in a cabin lying in bed together when he pulled out a ring -- it was much too big, but there weren't exactly any jewelry shops nearby. I never expected to fall in love on the job, let alone have it happen so quickly, but he was just marvelous and a really good man who I loved being around and who made me feel safe.

I told him that I would marry him, but inside I knew that I needed more time to think. Unfortunately I didn't have that time -- all I had was two days before our fateful mission. He thought we were going to blow up a weapons depot, but there were no weapons there. The plan was to let him escape with a disk containing falsified data, specifically to make Soviet troops and tanks in Estonia seem much more numerous and formidable than they actually were, in hopes that the DXS would back off. And I was to appear to be killed with the possibility of using him as an asset if the need ever arose.

The night before our mission, he lay in bed next to me sound asleep while my mind was racing way too much for me to get any rest. What should I do? My heart wanted to forget the mission, tell him the truth, and find a way to go back with him to America. But I was scared -- scared of getting caught, scared of what the KGB would do to my parents, scared of always looking over my shoulder. While I considered myself a risk-taker, I just couldn't find a way to overcome my fear to be with the man I loved.

The next day as we were ready to move in on the facility, I was very fortunate not to cry as I kissed him. The rest of the plan went off without a hitch. As the sirens blared and I ran toward him, I looked up at him and our eyes met. I heard the sound of gunfire and I fell, pretending to be shot by the blank ammunition. My heart sank when I heard him cry out in horror. As I lay on the ground with my eyes closed, I prayed that I would have the chance to make it right with him one day.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Sunday, October 1, 2017

MacGyver Fan Fiction -- Lost Love: Chapter 1



Based on the episode Lost Love.

Other Chapters: 2, 3

In Moldova we have a saying, "Two birds in the bush are worth one in the hand." We're not afraid to take risks, and why wouldn't we? Coming from one of the poorest nations in Europe, with impossible winters and a legacy of subservience to Mother Russia, what have we got to lose?

I was born as Nadia Davalenko, a decade after the end of the terrible war which devastated my homeland. I grew up on an orchard farm near Balti, a northern manufacturing town on the Raut River. The fertile soil was ideal for growing wheat, cherries, and apricots, and we raised cattle and chickens. I learned the value of hard work on that farm, a value that served me well as I excelled in school and caught the attention of the powers that be in the Soviet spy apparatus.

The KGB was always on the lookout for talent, especially female talent. Why female? Well, obviously it's because we're smarter than men. We're also better listeners and more nurturing -- useful traits when cultivating an asset. My first special talent was languages. I can't explain it -- it was just a gift that allowed me to master them so easily. My second special talent? My beauty. No man could resist me when I turned on my charm.

So what motivated me to spy for the KGB? I yearned to see the world and have adventures -- we Moldovans are risk-takers after all, and the opportunities for a farm girl from Balti were few and far between. But after being ordered to seduce enemy agent after enemy agent, my youthful exuberance wore off and was replaced by a hardened ambition and a desire to work my way up the ranks so that I could give the orders. I cared about myself and my career, but did I give a damn about the KGB and its purposes? Nyet.

Seduction was easy for me because beneath my jovial smile lay a cold Soviet heart that was more than capable of staying emotionally detached while being physically attached. I had a job to do, and I did it. There was a time when I was younger that I thought about wanting a family, but that was a very long time ago.

So there I was, on the fast track to a prominent position in the Soviet state, when I met him, the man that changed my life forever. Just when I thought my heart had frozen to the point of being unthawable, I discovered that he and he alone had the key to unlock it. His name? MacGyver.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Friday, September 29, 2017

The MacGyver Fan Fiction Project

It's time to announce The MacGyver Fan Fiction Project!  Fan fiction is where fans write stories based on a preexisting narrative universe.  I've never tried it before, but it sounds like a fun way to write and to get back into the world of MacGyver.

My idea is to write a multi-part story around each episode from the point of view of one of the characters, starting before the episode begins and delving into the backstories.  Then I'll describe some of the episode's events from the character's perspective and hit on what happens after the episode ends. And rather than go in episodic order, I thought it would be more fun to pick them at random.  So I printed out the name of each episode (including the two movies and The Gauntlet opening gambit), cut the paper into strips, and put them in an envelope.

I'm not sure how many I'll do because I don't really know if I'm going to enjoy it until I try it. And it would probably take me at least 20 years to finish the series if I ever stuck with it.  But you gotta start somewhere!  Also coming soon: The James Bond and Indiana Jones review projects...

But let's get back to MacGyver and bring out the envelope!  Drumroll please -- bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum!  And the first episode is.....

LOST LOVE -- I complained in my review that we didn't know enough about Lisa Kohler's backstory.  Let's rectify that!

ARCHIVE

SEASON 1
Pilot
The Golden Triangle
Thief of Budapest
The Gauntlet - opening gambit
The Gauntlet - episode
The Heist
Trumbo's World
Last Stand
Hellfire
The Prodigal
Target MacGyver
Nightmares
Deathlock
Flame's End
Countdown
The Enemy Within
Every Time She Smiles
To Be A Man
Ugly Duckling
Slow Death
The Escape
A Prisoner of Conscience
The Assassin

SEASON 2
The Human Factor
The Eraser
Twice Stung
The Wish Child
Final Approach
Jack of Lies
The Road Not Taken
Eagles
Silent World
Three For The Road
Phoenix Under Siege
Family Matter
Soft Touch
Birth Day
Pirates
Out in the Cold
Dalton, Jack of Spies
Partners
Bushmaster
Friends
DOA MacGyver
For Love or Money

SEASON 3
Ghost Ship
Fire and Ice
GX-1
Jack in the Box
The Widowmaker
Hell Week
Blow Out
Kill Zone
Early Retirement
Thin Ice
The Odd Triple
The Negotiator
The Spoilers
Mask of the Wolf
Rock the Cradle
The Endangered
Murderers' Sky

SEASON 4
The Secret of Parker House
Blood Brothers
The Outsiders
On a Wing and a Prayer
Collision Course
The Survivors
Deadly Dreams
Ma Dalton
Cleo Rocks
Fraternity of Thieves
The Battle of Tommy Giordano
The Challenge
Runners
Gold Rush
The Invisible Killer
Brainwashed
Easy Target
Renegade
Unfinished Business

SEASON 5
Legend of the Holy Rose (1 and 2)
The Black Corsage
Cease Fire
Second Chance
Halloween Knights
Children of Light
Black Rhino
The Ten Percent Solution
Two Times Trouble
The Madonna
Serenity
Live and Learn
Log Jam
The Treasure of Manco
Jenny's Chance
Deep Cover
The Lost Amadeus
Hearts of Steel
Rush to Judgement
Passages

SEASON 6
Tough Boys
Humanity
The Gun
Twenty Questions
The Wall
Lesson in Evil
Harry's Will
MacGyver's Women
Bitter Harvest
The Visitor
Squeeze Play
Jerico Games
The Wasteland
Eye of Osiris
High Control
There But For The Grace
Blind Faith
Faith, Hope, and Charity
Strictly Business
Trail of Tears
Hind-Sight

SEASON 7
Honest Abe
The 'Hood
Obsessed
The Prometheus Syndrome
The Coltons
Walking Dead
Good Knight MacGyver (1 and 2)
Deadly Silents
Split Decision
Gunz 'N Boyz
Off the Wall
The Stringer
The Mountain of Youth

MOVIES
Lost Treasure of Atlantis
Trail to Doomsday

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Dodge the Bullet: A MacGyver Balloon Game

Materials Needed to Play:
  • 2 people
  • 1 balloon
  • heart and desire

Rules: 
  1. Player 1 gives themselves the name of their favorite MacGyver villain, and then they grab a balloon and sit on a chair or sofa.
  2. Player 2, aka MacGyver our hero, finds an empty space in front of Player 1.
  3. Player 1 strikes the balloon in an attempt to hit Player 2.  Player 2 attempts to dodge the balloon.
  4. If the balloon hits Player 2 before striking anything else, then Player 2 gets "shot."  If the balloon hits any other surface first such as the floor or another object, then the bullet is "dead" and the play is over without Player 2 getting shot.
  5. After each attempt, Player 2 must return the balloon to Player 1 in a reasonably expedient fashion. Harry's Will showed us that MacGyver is a good sport.
  6. The game continues for a predetermined amount of time.  When the time is up, if Player 1 has been shot less than 8 times (i.e. the number of times MacGyver was shot in the series), then Player 1 wins.  If Player 1 gets shot 8 times or more, then Player 2 is victorious.

History of the Game:
With all due respect to all the other MacGyver Balloon games out there, I'm going to go out on a limb and claim that Dodge the Bullet is the greatest MacGyver Balloon game that's ever been invented.  For more, let's see what Nick from 3 years ago had to say in the On a Wing and a Prayer post:

In this episode, Pete gets shot in the shoulder.  This is the first episode we've covered where either MacGyver or Pete gets shot.  I think we need to add a "shot chart" to keep track of all the times MacGyver and Pete get shot, so I'll add it to the rankings page.  At this point, you're thinking, "that's a little weird."  Let me explain.  When I was a kid, I played a game with my sisters that I called "Dodge the Bullet."  I liked to dodge things, and I was impressed with MacGyver's ability (or luck) to dodge bullets that were frequently whizzing by.  So when I was watching MacGyver with one of my sisters, we would play "Dodge the Bullet" during the commercials.  The rules of the game were that my sister had to sit on the sofa while holding a balloon.  Meanwhile, I would jump and dive around the room.  She would whack the balloon with her hand (like overhand hitting a volleyball) and try to hit me with the balloon, and I would try and dodge it.  As soon at the balloon hit something (like the floor, the window behind me, or the coffee table), the bullet was dead, so to speak, and I was free to pick it up and give it back to her.  Each time the balloon hit me first, however, I was "shot."  My goal was to get shot fewer times than MacGyver had gotten shot all-time in the series--if that happened, then I "won."  If I got hit greater than or equal to the number of times he got shot, then I "lost."  There were many times where it was very dramatic as I was on my last life and waiting for the commercial to end while having to dodge the balloon like my life depended on it.  Back then, there were still new episodes coming out and I was seeing older ones for the first time, so if there was a new one where he got shot, it was actually a good thing for me in the game, because it meant I got an extra life. Although of course I didn't like to see MacGyver get shot.  There you go. See, no weirdness at all.  

Demonstration:
This demo comes from 10 years ago when I was a bit more nimble.  And the gal doing the shooting? None other than Mrs. MacGyver Project.


video

Your Turn:
Go find a balloon and a friend and play some Dodge the Bullet! 

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Mission: Impossible 5 -- Rogue Nation


Synopsis in 3 sentences or less:
Ethan is traversing the globe looking for the leader of the Syndicate, an independent organization and "rogue nation" that sows the seeds of discord and instability throughout the world.  He crosses paths with Ilsa, a mysterious agent who seems to be playing all sides, and they work together to steal a file that contains the Syndicate's bank records.  The Syndicate kidnaps and ransoms Benji in exchange for the data, and Hunt looks for a way to bring the Syndicate down while saving his friend.

Memorable Quote:
I can neither confirm nor deny details of any such operation without the Secretary's approval.  ~Brandt

Highlight:
The opera scene, despite being somewhat derivative of the opera scene from Quantum of Solace, is fun and well choreographed, and the operatic music lends some gravitas.

Lowlight:
The opening scene with Ethan hanging off the plane is overly goofy and CGI'ed.

Other thoughts, observations, and questions I didn’t ask when I was in fourth grade:
  • Ilsa has a rabbit's foot key chain, a subtle reference to MI3.
  • 17:44 mark -- the bad guys are horrendous shots as Ethan runs away down the narrow tunnel.  You'd think they were trying not to hit him. 
  • 41:35 -- there are hundreds of people in the square yet no one sees Ilsa and Hunt sliding down an 8 story-length rope.
  • Shouldn't the intelligence community be supporting Hunt given his service record?  It's like how in every season of 24, Jack Bauer's superiors end up distrusting his motives despite the fact that he saved the world during the previous season.
  • They stipulate that they can't take oxygen tanks into the underwater chamber but what about one of those little breathing sticks (which you see in movies and almost certainly don't work in real life)?
  • Why would Hunley, given his suspicion of Brandt, allow Luther to man a computer at headquarters under Brandt's supervision?
  • With all due respect to Tom Cruise, is it possible he's getting too old to play the super spy?  He pulled it off this time around, but there were moments where I thought, "He's getting old."  And just last month he broke his ankle filming MI6 which shut down production.  It could be time for Ethan to transition to a mentor role (à la Anthony Hopkins in MI2) and leave the heavy lifting to a young buck. 
  • I like how they pretended that Julia doesn't exist -- they should have just done that in Ghost Protocol also instead of the weird cameo at the end. 

Final Analysis:
A surprisingly good movie!  I say surprisingly because I had only seen once before in the theater before now, and I didn't think much of it at the time (in fact I had gone into this thinking that it was the worst movie of the lot).  But often it takes me a few viewings to warm up to an action/adventure movie, and this movie is not only significantly better than Ghost Protocol, but I'm going to (gasp) rank it slightly ahead of MI3, something I never saw coming.

The tone of the movie is solid -- there's some genuinely funny moments (e.g. the banter between Renner and Baldwin, Cruise failing at jumping over a car) without it being too much or over the top.  There's also a better Benji in that he's funny but not as cartoonish as he was in MI4. Rebecca Ferguson (Ilsa) and Sean Harris (Lane) both give great performances (Harris has a fantastic villain voice), and Baldwin is solid as a supporting character.  And all in all the plot was pretty clever and the scenes were fun and rewatchable.

So that wraps up the Mission Impossible project!  At least until MI6 comes out on video -- I'll see it in the theater but will need a second viewing to process everything.  As for next steps with the blog, stay tuned!

Friday, September 15, 2017

Mission: Impossible 4 - Ghost Protocol


Synopsis in 3 sentences or less:
Ethan and his team go to the Kremlin in pursuit of Hendricks, a Swede who wants to set off a nuclear weapon. After Hendricks blows up the Kremlin, the IMF is disbanded and Ethan's team is on its own in "Ghost Protocol" status.  They track Hendricks to Dubai and Mumbai where they must stop him from detonating his bomb.

Memorable Quote:
Your line's not long enough!  ~Brandt
No shit!  ~Ethan

Highlight:
There wasn't one highlight that jumped out at me.  I think I'll go with the non-flashy but gritty scene where Ethan escapes from the hospital.  I like the escape itself, even if in real life he'd be paralyzed from the neck down afterwards, and I also like how he then pilfers a few items to blend in with the crowd.

Lowlight:
The villain is really disappointing, especially following all-star performances from Dougray Scott and Philip Seymour Hoffman.  I have no problem with the actor but rather how underused the character is.  An action movie is only as strong as its villain, and we hardly get to know Hendricks because he has so little screen time.  What makes him tick?  Why is he blowing up the Kremlin, stealing nuclear codes, and starting a war?  Why did he wear his subordinate's mask to the exchange in Dubai?  And most confusingly, why did he martyr himself by jumping off the car ramp at the end?

Other thoughts, observations, and questions I didn’t ask when I was in fourth grade:
  • In the first scene, how is there a giant inflatable mat to catch the guy falling off the building?  The entire opening feels like a movie set where the director will come out at any time and yell "Cut."
  • Generally speaking I'm not a fan of sparking an intentional prison riot as part of a master plan.  We also saw this in 24 Season 3, and it always leads to collateral damage like prison guards getting hurt (or killed).
  • The circumstances around the escape make no sense.  In the van afterwards, Ethan says, "Mind telling me why you broke me out?"  So he didn't know that they were going to break him out, yet during the escape he knows exactly what to do and where to go (and even intentionally looks at Benji on the camera).  And somehow he is able to set up a pickup van to take Sergei, the prisoner whom he broke out, even though he didn't know about the escape and his team didn't know about Sergei.  
  • After getting the mission briefing from the pay phone, they are able to round up all their equipment (including military uniforms, remote control balloon, and magic screen) and get to the Kremlin in less than 5 hours.
  • I wonder if the Kremlin archive room is where they keep the pee pee tape.
  • When the bad guys bring along a nuclear expert to the meet to verify the codes, Ethan insists on giving them the real codes (over Brandt's protest) because it's their only chance to get Hendricks and if they lose him now then he'll just find another way to get a nuclear bomb.  Sorry Ethan, but I'm with Brandt on this one -- why are you assuming that this would be your last chance to get Hendricks?  And giving Hendricks the codes leads to San Francisco being literally two seconds away from getting wiped off the map.
  • This movie relies much more heavily on CGI than the first three movies do, and as is the case with most movies that rely too much on CGI, it weakens and cheapens the film.  The scene with the haboob coming into Dubai is especially fake looking.  And yes, I just dropped a "haboob" reference on you -- picked that one up from The Weather Channel. 
  • The plan is for Paula Patton to seduce the rich Indian guy (the actor is recognizable from Slumdog Millionaire), but how do they know that the guy will go for her?  I'm sure there's no shortage of fine-looking women at the party who would happily throw themselves at the wealthy host, and with all due respect to Paula, how can they know that one smile from her would be enough to get him going?
  • Ethan tells the Russian "Inspector Javert" who is tracking him throughout the movie that they are not enemies.  But what about Javert's men gunning down the IMF secretary and shooting at Ethan and Brandt in the river?
  • The ending with Ethan's wife Julia is bizarre as he watches her from a distance in a nighttime Seattle plaza, and then she sees him and smiles before going into a building.  Huh?  So they pretended she died in order to protect her, but why would Ethan have gotten married in the first place then unless he was willing to give up his spy lifestyle? I imagine they wanted to find a way to not involve Julia in this movie (a decision I support since I'm not a big Julia fan), but they didn't want to say that they got divorced and paint Ethan as a bad husband.  But he moved on from Nyah after MI2 and she was never mentioned again, and I would have been fine with Julia meeting the same fate.

Final Analysis:
While this movie was not as bad as I remembered, it's a huge drop-off from the first three films. Where its predecessors were edgy and serious, this one feels more cartoonish and light-hearted, almost like a comic book come to life.  And I suppose that makes sense since the director, Brad Bird, worked on cartoons like Toy Story 3 and The Incredibles. And there's way too much Benji -- I don't dislike him per se, but he's better in small doses like he was used in MI3.  When he's a major character, it makes the plot too campy and light-hearted -- I'm not looking for too much comedy in my spy movies.